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amyconner1985 wrote in fanverse
 No one can accuse me of being sentimental. No one can accuse me of being the one with many emotions. Cold, calculating, manipulative, that's all I heard about myself, from people around me. And believe me, I have been around for a very long time; a very long time indeed. For centuries, I have lurked in the dark, prowled the back streets, looking for a perfect prey, to quench my thirst. Nothing stopped me, nothing mortal could have stopped me. Did I ever feel anything, any remorse; before or after draining a human out of his or her blood? Not that I recall. My emotions were long gone, all neatly tucked away, and compartmentalized into tiny cells; where even my subconscious could not reach. i had blocked everything out, every single thing that could hurt me. That made me the creature that I am now, indomitable & unbeatable, extremely volatile.
I can't explain how and when, mostly I can't explain why I suddenly felt a shooting pain in my chest. For a moment I thought I was having a cardiac arrest, but then I realized it wasn't possible. I was undead. So what it? I looked at her tiny body, swaying to the white noise, disappearing into the night. The darkness closed in on her. There I felt it again. It was sharper. It was more demanding than the last. I could barely stand. The pain was agonizing to the point of being unbearable. Then I heard something break. I looked around the room, looking for some unfortunate night time intruder. But only semi darkness stared back at my own abyss of emptiness. Then it stuck me. I had heard my own heart break; if it was possible in this world. If vampires existed, then would it be too outlandish to assume there were more supernatural activities which existed as well? Sure enough it was my pumping mass of meat which kept me aloof for centuries, which had split me into several pieces . It truly did. I scorned and scoffed at these human emotions, my very own long gone. But now I was defeated by that very thing I loathed with my life.
Which was more pathetic ? that I the mighty Damon Salvatore had a heart after all ? Or his ex flame still had it in her to destroy him , like the last time? It didn't matter to me then , that Katherine wasn't who she said she was. I truly believed I was in love with her. Her betrayals should have come as no surprise to me, but for Elena, her doppelganger. I think god was punishing me for being the monster I am. He made me fall in love with the same face twice. A gape of 100 years wasn't enough. and the fatc she was in love with my brother didn't help matters in the least.
I don't know what possessed me to go see her, super drunk with alcohol and my own vented up emotions. I should have known better. I was in love with her. That's all mattered I guess. What was it I was expecting? That she would run into my arms willingly & accept what I had to offer? She would become my princess of the darkness. I should have known what she would say. But the actual words, when they came out of the same mouth, hit me like a tornado. Her rejection was something I was expecting. , But not my own reaction. Suddenly I was consumed with immense rage.
It threw me into a murderous rage. I wasn't really the one to kill purposelessly. But tonight I wanted to pay. Someone was going to pay for Katherine's betrayal "l never loved you Damon, it was always Stefan". But I was by then, totally and truly enslaved by hatred and agony.So I was going to prowl again. I was going to hunt. I would hide myself in the dark, my only true friend. In the shadows, I would lunge. Someone would pay tonight, and not only with their blood. If there was a god , he had condemned me a long time ago. This wasn't a mortal sin anymore.


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